Resilience in the Face of an MS Diagnosis

By, Dave Neely – O2X Instructor

I sat staring at the image on my phone in disbelief and trying to make sense of what I was looking at. It was January 3rd, 2022. On January 2nd I had an MRI on my brain in effort to identify why my left leg suddenly had a limp, why my left hand functioned so poorly that this southpaw couldn’t sign his own name, and why I had vertigo spells so badly I avoided driving at all costs and couldn’t participate in much of anything. The MRI image had popped up in my phone, but because January 2nd had been the observed day off for New Years, my results had yet to be interpreted by anyone other than me, and what I saw was beyond the scope of my medical practice, meaning beyond Motrin and water. There was a large 2 cm x 2 cm glowing spot on the right side of my brain that appeared perfectly spherical, along with several other significantly smaller spots that clearly didn’t belong. Performing a Google image search did not have the calming effect that one might hope for in this scenario.Somehow I was in a position where Multiple Sclerosis was the best diagnosis I could hope for. A neurosurgeon I had consulted with suspected MS because of my history of Optic Neuritis, which I had been diagnosed with shortly after my first deployment to Iraq in 2007. The alternative was likely a death sentence. Of course, the docs had another 24-48 hours before I should expect to hear the official verdict, which wasn’t a stressful time in my life at all. When that verdict did come, MS was a welcomed diagnosis compared to being told to get your affairs in order. I had only retired from the military the prior year after 9 years in the Navy, 4 in the National Guard, and another 9 years in the Army: this was supposed to be my time to enjoy life, not to die.

With this diagnosis so much of my career made sense. I had retired out of an extremely elite unit almost entirely due to my increasing difficulties to meet the physical standards. I wasn’t selected to attend SEAL training (BUD/S) when I graduated from the Naval Academy: neither my physical nor academic scores were even close to those who received the blessing. When I finally did get the chance to attend BUD/S, I certainly wasn’t in the same kind of shape as those in my boat crew, which ultimately contributed to my decision to quit. They got faster and stronger as training progressed as I seemed to stagnate despite the hours spent towards improvement. My body seemed like it didn’t “work” the same way and I certainly felt it hadn’t throughout my time at USNA trying to earn my chance. At my final unit, I couldn’t consistently pass the obstacle course. I worked with people for hours and hours on technique and strength training but no matter what I did I couldn’t get the grip strength needed to reliably succeed. I would frequently get vertigo, especially during physical exertion, which is a bad place to be if you’re on an obstacle well above “gentle landing” height. Ultimately the decision was made between myself and the leadership that I would not be able to fill the role I was trying to fill, and that led to my retirement a full 4 years earlier than I had anticipated. So many of the symptoms are obvious to me now. Despite the neurologist explaining the relationship between Optic Neuritis and MS to me in 2008, I never really considered that MS could be a contributing factor in all aspects of my life. After all, I felt fine and was in much better shape than everybody I knew outside of the special operations community.

My mindset transformed from “does not meet standards” to “look at what I was able to do with multiple sclerosis!” My perspective on previous failures shifted entirely. I was no longer struggling to meet the standards: I had met standards that most people don’t even dream of while having a debilitating condition. (Even if I was just barely meeting them.) By no means was I ever the best, or the fastest, or the strongest, or the smartest on the team but now I had a better understanding and acceptance of contributing factors. While I may not have always been successful in my endeavors, the fact that I had the chance to walk through the door and into the area at all amazes me. So much of a diagnosis such as MS is acceptance, especially being a recently retired Green Beret who doesn’t understand limits in the same way as most. The new reality was that on any given day, I could potentially wake up and have my legs not work, or not be able to speak, or any other number of possibilities. It is grieving the loss of security that comes with “being healthy”. It is also learning to speak up when I’m too tired to participate in something and knowing that it’s ok to say so, which is so vastly different from my entire adult life it’s laughable.

I had an amazing career. It wasn’t a top-performer career, but it was an amazing one. I had the true pleasure of being on a military free-fall specialty team and on a combat dive team. I deployed to multiple combat zones with some of the most amazing people I could ever dream to work with. Despite this, I tended to frame my career as that of someone who failed every step of the way through it (and still often do, which is a habit worth breaking). The MS diagnosis gives me an appreciation that I was able to do any of it at all.

So once you get diagnosed, where do you go from there? I chose to try to get 1% better each day. Many days I don’t succeed, but I certainly try. The following days, weeks, and months were filled with reading everything I could get my hands on about MS, particularly around treatments not focused on the pharmaceutical industry. My diet changed drastically and I adjusted my lifestyle to reduce stress, amongst other changes. In the summer of 2023 an old friend called and asked me to do something that sounded absolutely crazy. He wanted to raise money to fund treatment for servicemembers dealing with PTSD by putting on a 10 mile swim, and a 200 mile run as the fundraising mechanism. Considering that just 6 months earlier I was unable to run at all I was skeptical about my physiological capability to even perform such a thing. How does a healthy person even take on such a task, much less someone in my circumstance? Listen to your body, learn when to push and when to back off, and seek the wisdom of people who know more than you do. After a relatively short 5 month train-up a handful of former SEALs, myself, our coach (a former Marine), and a small number of select civilians completed the course over 4 days, well supported by the town of Sheridan, WY and the Crow Nation along the route. While I live largely asymptomatic for the time being (largely) there is always the looming possibility that I will wake up tomorrow in a different circumstance. There are remote possibilities, but that will remain present for the rest of my life. It is a great reminder how important it is now to take advantage of every opportunity to enjoy a “healthy” body and use it!

If any of those life-changing scenarios unfolds, I’ll just keep getting 1% better every day.

About O2X Instructor Dave Neely:

Dave Neely is an O2X Lead Instructor from Chattanooga, TN. A class of 2003 U.S. Naval Academy graduate, he served 5 years as a Surface Warfare Officer. After the Navy, Dave enlisted in the National Guard and served 4 years in 19th Special Forces Group before transitioning to active duty and was the Distinguished Honor Graduate of his Special Forces Qualification Course class. Once on active duty, Dave was assigned to 5th Special Forces Group where he was a member of a Military Free-Fall specialty team as well as a Combat Diver/Maritime team. His final assignment before retirement was to the United States Army Special Operations Command (USASOC) in Ft. Bragg, NC. He is a veteran of Operation Iraqi Freedom, Operation Enduring Freedom, and Operation Inherent Resolve, and is the recipient of 2 Bronze Star Medals, the Purple Heart Medal, the Defense Meritorious Service Medal, the Combat Infantryman’s Badge, and numerous other personal and unit awards.

About O2X Human Performance:

O2X Human Performance provides comprehensive, science-backed programs to hundreds of public safety departments, federal agencies, and the military. O2X works with clients to elevate culture, improve mental and physical wellbeing, support healthy lifestyles, and reduce healthcare costs associated with injuries and illnesses. Driven by results and cutting edge research, O2X programs are designed and delivered by a team of Special Operations veterans, high level athletes, and hundreds of leading experts in their respective fields of human performance.